On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
