I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
