I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
