Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
