We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
