Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
