guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
