I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
