I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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