You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
