My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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