Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
