hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
