so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
