tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
