I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
