hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
