The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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