Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
