you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
