The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
