She's JV to your varsity
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
