dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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