I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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