he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dick has a subreddit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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