I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
