I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Never underestimate the power of titties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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