she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
