I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
