"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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