Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
