matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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