so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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