i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
