You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
