i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
