Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
