i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
