The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
