I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
