The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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