i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
