i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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