I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
