dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
