how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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