I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Terrible idea I love it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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