he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want her autograph on my taint
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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