Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Less talking, more tequila
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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