I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
